Every mum (and dad) with a school age child knows that the real stresses and strains only begin the September after your first child’s fourth birthday. From that moment onward, you are now part of a “school community” and everything that goes with it. Of course it’s a great opportunity to meet new friends, but also brings a lot of “learning” (and not just for your child) with it too. If you don’t know the rules, you’ll be a broken bleeding mess by Christmas. Here we go…
- Don’t get road rage when parking at school. I did this once, I pulled in to let someone pass and another mum decided to overtake. I shouted from my window and glared. It wasn’t pretty. Thankfully soon after the mum in question got a job and we never had to see each other again. I live in fear of this situation changing.
- Don’t get mad when your child isn’t invited to a party. I have named this Party Rage. Soon you won’t care and will in fact be glad as a) it’s one less present to buy and b) it’s one less party to attend. Just think of it as part of life’s rich tapestry. Whatever you do, don’t question anyone about why your child wasn’t invited. This leads to a result similar to rule 1.
- Always avoid eye contact. That way you won’t have to ever talk to anyone. It’s for the best. Wear sunglasses as often as possible.
- Even if you’ve previously talked to someone, had them over for lunch and given them a bag full of clothes, that doesn’t mean they will acknowledge you. They may be following rule 3, who’s to know?
- Be careful about who you befriend on Facebook – eager friending early on can lead to awkward defriending later on when you unwittingly do something terrible to offend. You will then ignore each other for the next 7 years, refer to rule 3.
- Watch out for the Social Climber mums – nice as pie to you week 1, pretend you don’t exist by week 3 (when “cooler” mums have made their acquaintance).
- If someone has their clothes on inside out, don’t mention it. Ever. Ditto hair brushing. Ditto maniac child – pretend other people’s children are lovely at all times despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary and you can expect the same back.
- Encourage your child to be friends with a child who has a dad without a wandering eye. And I’m not talking about a medical condition. When you’re all standing there chatting and he’s checking you out, it’s just not cricket.
- Wear gym gear every day even if you don’t go. Just to make people feel guilty.
- Oh and always be on time, support the school, attend assemblies, encourage good manners, follow uniform and homework policies and don’t hassle the school secretary EVER…
What are your school mum rules?